A Study of Identity as Depicted in N.G.E.

The Beast that Screamed "I" at the Heart of the World

One of the most interesting themes contained in the rather dense story of Neon Genesis Evangelion is that of separation and identity. Every being has a morphogenic "A.T. Field," which is defined as the sacred boundary of a person's soul and the world surrounding.

The point at which this begins to be explored, beyond incidental battles and character development, is when Kaworu overpowers the soul residing in Eva Unit 02 and dominates it to his purpose, to help create Third Impact and end the existence of Man forever. When he finds that the A.T. Field projected by Rei has been sufficient to mask the identity of the angel who is imprisoned under Terminal Dogma, and the strength of the soul and consciousness of Rei and Shinji, respectively, and especially the protection conferred by Shinji's mother's soul, he decides to leave the fate of Man and angels in Shinji's hands.

The idea that I want to explore might well be called "choice of identity." There are at least a few compelling reasons to desire the dissolution of individual ideation (note: I do not endorse this, I am speaking from the viewpoint of Gendo Ikari, who has knowingly committed the unpardonable sin on many occasions, and is totally unrepentant. If you are imagining life as Gendo Ikari, you will see that justice will not turn out well for him, and that he'd better find some way to avoid it if at all possible.

A second explanatory note is necessary to describe the dualistic nature of the God / Man relationship seen in this production. The god of N.G. Evangelion is not omnipotent, or if he is, he no longer cares about the fate of the world, and plans only to act in the capacity of judge, once he brings the world to an end.

His lack of involvement is brought into focus by NERV's emblem, a fig leaf peeling away from the word NERV, surrounded by the phrase "God's in his heaven, all's well with the world." The leaf shows, depending on personal interpretation, either a lessening sense of shame before an unconcerned deity, or a revelation of the truth long concealed by arbitrary and unjust restriction. Both only work at all in the sort of theology described in the paragraph above.

Back to the debate: to desire identity or not?

The reasons in favor of personal identity:

1.It's pretty much our default. We've been doing this for a long time, and it works pretty well.

2.There are pleasures related to specific being-ness.

Statements against identity:

1.Fear of condemnation and hatred.

2.Uncertainty regarding the course of your life.

3.Desire to know all others perfectly.

and, in Gendo Ikari's case

4. A chance to defeat the messengers of God, prevent the final judgment, and spend all eternity in the presence of his loving wife (probably heaven-bound otherwise) and avoid hell (his erstwhile destination.)

Final note! This is not a theological discourse! I am presenting a work of fiction for discussion between me and Asher, hopefully, and maybe one or two other enterprising readers with the patience to read this far.

Part Two will address Shinji's decision to allow instrumentality (the merging of all souls) or prevent it (scream "I" at the heart of the world.)

Wasted Opportunity

In my second game last night, I made one of my worst Go mistakes of my life. It is the game against "Rook 13k," if you have KGS and get a chance to watch it. The game started brilliantly, and by the end of the fuseki I was totally dominating. When things went wrong, however, my advantage crumbled, and so did my confidence. All of the moves following black g3 were insipid. The worst part was that I let his center group, which I should have kept under strong attack, escape lightly and kill one of my invasions. That really hurt, and neutralized all of the good moves I had made up until then. Avalanche is totally right, I would be so much stronger if I watched my connections a little bit sharper. Oh, and work is good today. I got another picture of that Nutria also, and I've typed a few more pages of my report here at work.

Edit: Happy Jenny Day!
Edit2: The curse remains in effect for people who move through this site without saying 'hi!'

More Sleepy

EDIT: Upon anyone who reads this and doesn't comment, I pronounce a curse!
EDIT: I just scored some sweet Chevron swag! COFFEE MUG!

Here's a pretty precise rundown of what has happened over the past 14 hours, for the benefit of my friends who are wondering if I survived my flight home.

8 pm - plane leaving (nominally)
- sat and read "My Name is Red" and listened to songs about plane crashes and fate.
9 pm - plane left (actually)
- iPod battery died, sat in silence
- read through Time magazine and agreed it was good Zarqawi was killed (he was the headsman from that video, which I didn't know)
10:30 pm - got into the pickup/covered garage place, with choking exhaust fumes.
11 pm - talked to Leroy, from Passagoula Louisiana, the shuttle driver for the parking lot I used.
11:30 pm - reunited with my car, glasses fogged in the rain
12:00 pm - home! A few Go books I'd ordered have arrived
7:00 am - woke, raining beauty outside, dim green glow through all of my windows, and my bed was softer than ever. Got up. Also, that owl was going on full volume, but I didn't notice for awhile.
8:00 am - Got to work, while driving past pond saw a Nutria rat by the pond. Took his picture, and then he jumped into the lake. I'll put it up here later when I get home.
9:00 am - started working! Work work work! Let's get something done!

Here's some more of that goodness for you discerning readers out there. Crystal, thank you very much for your musical suggestions. These bands are marvelous. Also, studying Go hardcore is really tiring. Blahhhh. Jenny, it was nice talking to you today!

Wooh Kinkade

Yay for Thomas Kinkade. Asher is a big fan, so I decided to check out some of his stuff. He's probably the foremost American painter of cottages and small houses that has ever graced his last name.

Oh my gosh I want to ride in the Kinkademobile.

Outside my window

More Adventurous
There is an owl that has taken up residence right outside my window (I say this because that is the direction its hooting comes from.) The owl goes pretty much nonstop, so I'm not sure how long it will last before another owl has to be brought in to take over. I actually really like having it out there. Also, I want to take a FLASH POLL!!!
Who among you is going to Syneva's house?
I am! It will be magnificent.

Wardriving

More Adventurous
Hahaha, I'm wardriving, so I gotta keep moving. This is so much fun. Look it up if you want, or I'lll tell you if you see me and ask. Today was an impossibly long meeting, but Tai Chi is still awesome, and I miss you all very much.

Expo '86 by d.c.f.c.

More Adventurous
Sometimes it seems the cycle never ends
We slide from top to bottom then we turn and climb again
And it seems by the time I have figured what it's worth
The squeaking of our skin against the steel has gotten worse
But if I move my place in line I'll lose
And I have waited, the anticipation's got me glued
I am waiting for something to go wrong
I am waiting for familiar resolve

Sometimes it seems that I don't have the skills to recollect
The twists and turns of plot that turned us from lovers to friends
I'm thinking I should take that volume back up off the shelf
And crack its weary spine and read to help remind myself

But if I move, my place in line I'll lose
And I have waited, the anticipation's got me blue.

And it's strange
They're all basically the same,
So I don't ask names anymore.

Sometimes it seems the cycle never ends
We slide from top to bottom then we turn and climb again
And it seems by the time I have figured what it's worth
The squeaking of our skin against the steel has gotten worse.

Umm

More Adventurous
Okay, time to try a different tactic. I'm going to not put any work into this post, and see how it is recieved.

Here is a link that doesn't work, for something I don't care about.
http:qm:/\/wmv.furniture.tuvalu

Some things happened, and whatever.
I don't care whatever.

Charles